Simply Business
by Pelvic Sling
Summary: After wandering into his boss' office, Armin gets educated on the art of competition amongst businesses. And he learns it can get rather rough. Modern-Day AU. Based off a skit from WKUK since I'm not creative. Rated M to be safe due to language.


**Warnings: Character death and gore go hand in hand. I know nothing about business or warfare. Bear with me.**

* * *

Confronting Mister Levi, my boss, about anything is pretty much nerve wracking, let alone just a simple question. Even just thinking about it gives me shaky hands as I grip the doorknob. This should be no big deal. Walk in, and walk out.

Wait, no.

Forgot about the question! Walk in, ask, walk out. Argh! Still not right. Walk in, ask the question, then wait for an answer and leave. Right, right. That's what I'm here to do. Looking up at the (quite) heavy and tan door, I paused at the golden plate that gloriously displayed this name. _Levi Ackerman._ Maybe one day, I'll have my own office with my name on notice like that. Maybe.

Shifting my gaze a bit to the side, my own eyes met with piercing, stern, black ones. Aah, Mister Levi. His gaze was always so intimidating. As expected of such a busy businessman. Wait. Mister Levi's eyes? I shouldn't be able to see- how long has the door been cracked open? And he's not saying anything! Just staring at me with that frustrated scowl that I could swear was growing in size. I'm sure that's just his face, though… Dammit! Armin, say something!

"Uh- aah… Erm." You know, it's the next level of difficult to focus when your boss is busy squatting in the corner next to the window. English, Arlert! Speak it! "Um, I have a question Miste-"

"Goddammit, Arlert! Get down!" Mister Levi commanded.

"What?"

"Did I stutter? Get down!"

It took me a moment, and only a brief moment to think about what he said. I had zero clue as to what was going on, but the last thing I wanted to do was fuel the anger of an already angry man. Clutching the folder of documents in my hand, I nearly fell as I staggered down to my hands and knees. Through my shoulder-length blond locks that fell in my face, I could see Mister Levi motion for me to join him against the wall and underneath the window.

This is ridiculous. I look silly crawling across the floor like this. Even after I joined him, he had yet to tell me what is going on. I guess I could see it as a good thing. I could take this moment of confusing silence to try and calm myself. All I could do was look at him and notice that his short black hair (with a few gray strands) seemed a bit damp. Sweating? My thoughts were cut short as those eyes of his gazed upon me again, as if he were inspecting me. The silence was finally broken.

"Arlert," he sighed, "You're a good kid. How long you've been with the company?"

I'm about to be fired, aren't I?

"A little over three years, sir. Why?"

"I started this company thirty-two years ago. I built this monopoly with my own bare hands and wit. And both of us know I wasn't born into a family where my father could lend me a small loan of a million dollars either!"

Where is this going?

"Yup… After my parents had died, I spent years on the streets. Picked up some tricks and habits that I'm not too proud to have."

This is getting a bit personal.

"But one of those tricks turned into an invention. An electronic invention. A surge of technology. And I used that to build the empire that I have today. And I'll admit! I have to crawl my way to the top. Kinda like how you crawled over here. Except a little less embarrassingly."

I furrowed my brows. So I did look silly. Only now did I realize how shifty my eyes were. I don't understand the entire point of this. Did he really do all this just to take a crack at me?

"Might have stepped on a few toes. Broke a few fingers." He began to chuckle as a smirk crept onto his face, "Blackmailed a few lives. Might have even slit a few throats on the way. But those were inevitable. That's just business."

What!?

"I kept myself on the top charts with my own blood and sweat. It only cost me two marriages, one heart attack and every weekend of my life to get this company where it is today."

He's been going on this long and hasn't answered any of my questions thus far.

"So of course I walk into my office today and the sons of bitches over at Grecian put a sniper on the roof."

Grecian is our competition industry who is literally across the street. Mister Levi rants about them all the time. Talks about how he was a monopoly until these people came along. No one could compare to his products until Grecian stepped in. No one had even dared to try and step up and compete until Grecian built across the street. I know competition can be quite fierce but… Really? A sniper? I think this company has finally caused this man to lose his mind.

"...C-Come again, s-sir?" I didn't mean to stutter that much. Nor did I mean to grip my folder so tightly.

"A sniper," he repeated, "Originating from snipe - long-billed birds of game that were hard to kill. A marksman or qualified trained killer who is specialized in long distances. Noun. Singular. Quiet. Stealthy. But above all else: Patient.

I paused. "Mister Levi, sir. I - um - really don't think they'd put a sniper on their roof," I finally chimed in. And it took a lot of courage to say so.

"Sure they would! It's the right move! A lot of people want me dead, Arlert. Especially those at Grecian! They don't want this merge to go through any more than I do. But we're in the way of each other and something has to be done! They don't want to be number two anymore. Let me show you why we're number one." He smirked once again, "Be a good boy and slide me that case behind the couch there."

Regardless of this strange and entirely mythical situation, I did as I was told. Looking behind me was the couch he was talking about, and behind it was the case. I reached to pull out said case and goodness was that thing heavy! What was in there? Some type of heavy gun? Hah! I'm such a jokester! I really doubt he'd have a gun in here to retaliate whatever fantasy he's going through right now.

I stand corrected, shaky, and wide eyed as I can literally feel myself breaking out into a cold sweat once Mister Levi had opened that case. It really was a gun. A rifle. And I don't even know what to say as he pulls out its contents and calmly began snapping said weapon together. He even screwed on… is that a silencer?

"You see business is all about being able to adapt. You got to be able to roll with the punches. I'm gonna need you to pop up and give location intel on him."

"What!?" I literally have no idea what he said!

"I know he moved to the fifty-third floor. But I don't know if he's the first or third window to the left."

"O-Okay…?"

"Now don't worry. He's all set up to hit me. So if you're fast enough, he won't have enough time to readjust and get you. Now pop up, Arlert."

My jaw was hung open before I popped my head up. It opened more as I laid eyes on said sniper. It remained open as I screamed in horror as I ducked back down. Never before have I been so fast to slam myself again a wall. Never before have I been so fast, period. My breathing became quicker and shorter. I looked up at Mister Levi. His mouth was moving, yet I heard nothing. He was right! He _is_ right! _There is a sniper out there!_ _This is how we die! What kind of competition is this!? Has this always been going on1?_ _Behind slightly gaped doors!?_

"Arlert!" His screaming snapped me out of it. "Focus! This is no time to be doing whatever it is you always do! What window?"

"Th-third window from the le-left!"

Mister Levi nodded at me. Shortly after, I watched him violently yank the cord of his PA system towards him. He held the button down, calling upon his accountant. "Petra? Can you send in one of the interns? Thanks." He released the button. "You know," he sighed and looked over at me, "Sometimes the king needs a sacrifice before you can overthrow his jungle."

"More coffee, Mister Ackerman?"

It was at that moment that I saw Sasha walk in the door. She was a lovely, cheerful and playful girl with her long, dark brown hair tied up into a ponytail. Even her bangs swayed playfully with her. I smiled upon seeing her. I had come to be great friends with Sasha. I even remember how she got the nickname "Potato Girl" here in office. It was on a Thursday, her first day here, and she-

A loud boom echoed through the streets. My heart sank, and my body began to tremble past the point that I could control. I couldn't even find the will to scream. What once stood before me in the doorway was now nothing more than a corpse; its head blown to bits and scattered along the walls with blood. I shoved up my hands to plug my ears, attempting to tone out the world if even for just a minute. Yet, I still heard everything. It wasn't enough. I could not even pry my eyes away from the blood-gushing body as it slide along the wall before collapsing into a limp mess onto carpeted rug.

 _Sasha had just been murdered._

Did the world always feel this cold? When I could finally look away, I turned towards Mister Levi to see the same plastered scowl on his face. Did this really mean nothing to him!? Not a single reaction; not a single form of comfort. Instead, I witnessed him rush straight to the window with the rifle and fire, causing glass to shatter everywhere. I didn't hear anything past the first bullet. The ringing from the loud gunshot to Sasha's cold and heartless "distraction" was making me lose my sanity right now.

"You see it takes about three point seven-five seconds to reload and readjust after shooting at the target," Mister Levi spoke after lowering his gun and leaning back under the safety of the window. I lowered my hands away from my ears and instead moved them to grip my bangs. Deep breaths, Arlert. "Which gave me enough time to move in and fire off a couple rounds."

He proceeded to grab one of the shattered pieces of his once fancy mirror glass window and inspected it. What could he possibly be doing now? His eyebrows lifted as I saw a smug satisfied look grow on his face. I could only imagine how many times he's done this to be able to use a mirror to see if he landed that shot or not.

"And that is a…" he trailed off. Mister Levi squinted and furrowed his eyebrows as if double checking before jumping to conclusions. The satisfied look returned. "Kill. Pure business."

I couldn't believe anything anymore. Was this really reality? Was this the hard truth of business?

"You see, patience and sacrifice yield rewards," he told me, "Business." The phone began to ring. That thing seriously still works after all this that's happened? I could have sworn I saw that thing go flying along with the PA system. "I bet it's them right now." The PA system beeped.

"Mister Levi?" It was Petra. "Mister Irwin from Grecian is on the line for you."

"I'll bet they want to talk. Link them here." Levi responded.

"Will do, sir."

"Irwin you son of a bitch!" was the first thing Levi shouted the very moment he put the phone up to his ear. "Nice try with that sniper."

I guess I could call this a moment of cooling down. Everything was done, right? Nothing else crazy was going to happen? Right now, I really need to consider a different job. Maybe as a gardener. Yeah. That's a calm job.

"Yeah. You took out of one my coffee girls. Yeah, I'll bet. I scoped his head clean off! Now let's get down to the nitty-gritty. This merger's going through whether you like it or not."

So that's all he felt about Sasha? Just someone to deliver coffee? She was an intern for fucks sake. It was taking every ounce of strength to not look at her body. Deep breaths, Armin. In. Out. In. Out. Not shakily. Calmly. Close your eyes. Lay your head back. Relax. There we go. Just like that. Perfect.

At least, until I heard the shattering of glass once again. Of course, it was the window right above me. So after I got done dealing with pieces of glass landing all on my head and shoulders, I laid eyes on some strange silver canister that landed right by my feet. I looked up at Mister Levi hoping he'd tell me what was going on. Comfort was beyond reach at this point.

"Flash bomb," he simply said as he turned away. Though I didn't have enough time to react, nor think about what he said before a blinding light took over me. The beeping of the fire alarm went off as soon as the flash exploded. Once again the world was distorted to me, and no matter how many times I blinked and rubbed my eyes, everything stayed white. For the first time since I saw the sniper, I managed to scream. My voice finally came to me. And gradually, so did my sight.

"Arlert! Quiet down! I'm on the phone!" Mister Levi scolded me. As my vision came back, the first thing I saw past all the smoke was him cranking some type of weird mechanism. If I didn't know any better from playing video games sometimes, I would think it would be some type of launcher. Mister Levi began snapping his fingers at me, motioning for the other side of the couch I originally pulled the rifle case from. "Ten percent is robbery and you know that!"

How many weapons does this couch house!? Sitting on the other side were a box of… _mortars_? Mortars!? Are we being serious right now? Mister Levi snapped at me again. Right. I reluctantly relayed a single mortar to him, in which he threw in what I confirmed earlier was indeed a launcher.

"What I'm saying is five percent domestic, and five percent international. That's my final offer."

And with that, the mortar went flying into one of Grecian's windows. Assuming it caused as much terror as I endured just now, I cringed just after hearing it go flying. Loud horns could be heard down on the street below. Burning of rubber tires. Ambulance sirens. Police sirens. Screaming of the innocent. I'm one of them. The phone went silent for a bit.

"...You still there?" Mister Levi asked Irwin as he gazed out the window to marvel over the damage he's caused. My body tensed up. Not another innocent soul. But hearing the chatter spice up once again assured me that Irwin was not dead. However, I might never know about the others on that floor. "Good. I'll bet we have a deal. Alright. Say hello to the missus for me." He hung up and turned to me.

"Business. Plain and simple." He took a deep breath. "Now. What was it that you came in here for?" I had completely forgotten about that! I quickly gathered the spilled contents of my folder back into the pocket it belonged in. Now to speak for the first time since I mentioned the window the sniper was at.

"U-Um…M-My brother Eren is getting married in two weeks… I was wondering if I could have that Friday as a vacation day. Would you sign my slip?"

"No."


End file.
